Tags
birds and the bees, Ed and Lisa Young, education, parenting, sex, Sexperiment, telling your kids about sex
I’ve had multiple conversations with other parents about the importance of talking with their kids about SEX! I’ve encountered flushed cheeks, darting eyes, anxious sigh’s and all around confessions of dreading this crucial conversation. Carey and I even used to teach a parenting class at our church where we offered the frightening statistic “if you’re not talking to your children about sex by kindergarten, you are probably to late!” It’s one thing to offer shocking statistics and teach parenting tips to a room full of nervous parents, but it’s another to BE the nervous parent looking into the eyes of your sweet, innocent, blue-eyed baby girl and offering her the truth about the birds and the bee’s!
And that is why I felt like the biggest hypocrite as Kindergarten and 1st grade came and went without any awkward conversations with my “princess” about that incredibly bad word…SEX! We were waiting for the right moment, we were looking for the best book, we were distracted with more pressing situations…but truthfully, I’m sure there was a little bit of avoidance in all of those excuses.
Last week Carey and I were watching some Christian leaders, whom we respect, speaking out on the topic of sex. Pastors Ed and Lisa Young held a “bed in” on the rooftop of their church in Dallas, TX. for 24 hours to talk about sex, marriage, kids and all of the issues that have been avoided for far to long in the church. One of their topics was on the importance of this crucial conversation(s) with your kids. This was a flashing light reminder to both Carey and I that it was time to have “the talk” with Brooklyn, my 7, almost 8 year old.
I truly do believe that it is of the utmost importance for us as parents to be the first and primary form of sexual education for our children. The world around us is not just talking about sex…they are screaming it! Sex is everywhere from entertainment, social media, magazines, and most importantly it’s in our schools and being talked about with our children and their friends. If your child isn’t talking with you about sex, I guarantee you they are talking to somebody and gaining their idea of sexuality and what it truly means from somewhere. Everyone has “that friend”, the “sexpert.” You know, the kid with the older brother or sister or the one who has been exposed to far more than they every should have been. These are defining years for our children and we must make sure that we are the ones presenting the truth about sex.
I do believe that timing is important and only you, as a parent can know if your child is ready for this conversation. But, I beg you, please don’t be naïve or make excuses because you only have one chance to be “the first one” to tell them about SEX. Carey and I found a great series of books that I will highly recommend. We were even able to download it on Kindle. The book we used was called “Before I was Born” by Carolyn Nystrom. This book discussed the differences between boy’s and girls, marriage, the act of intercourse and pregnancy. It was tactfully presented and informative. This particular book targets 5-8 year old’s but there are a few others in the series that I hope to get and read that are age specific. There is one for 3-5 year olds’ on the differences between boys and girls that I will probably try with Avery in a year or so.
I’m not going to lie….it took a lot of deep breaths to keep myself from giggling like a junior high girl as my husband read the most awkward words to my 7 year old. I’m very thankful for such an incredible man of God who is willing to invest in his kids and push past the awkwardness to help guard his daughters heart! I know that not everyone will have the privilege of having their spouse be a part of this crucial conversation but if it’s possible, I highly encourage it!
We smiled and laughed together and acknowledged the “awkwardness!” We asked Brooklyn what she knew about sex and sure enough some poorly educated neighborhood girls at our old play ground had told her that it was “kissing naked.” Nice! I wish I could find those girls now! 
So we used that as the opportunity to share with Brooklyn that sometimes that is a part of it…but it is much, much more. We read through the book which does a thorough job on it’s own and interjected discussion where we felt like we should. We then were able to talk about God’s plan for sex and set the standard for an open door of communication in the future.
Surprisingly Brooklyn didn’t jump up screaming in shock or get a mental image of her own “conception.” (At least I don’t think she did!) She handled it very well and went on with our day! It was honestly way easier than I thought!
My hope is that we have set the standard for what SEX was created for. That SEX is God’s plan and it’s a great thing in the right context. My prayer is that Brooklyn will always feel comfortable coming and talking to us or asking us questions about all the stuff she is bound to hear and experience in the years to come!
I survived our “awkward” conversation. I’d love to hear from you.
Did your parents discuss SEX with you? How did that effect you?
Have you had the conversation with your child yet? What are you most nervous about?
What are your thoughts, questions or concerns?
XOXO
Meghan
It’s such an uncomfortable subject with your children. One of my o & I had recently been doing!!! But the open door is so valuable as you reapproach sex talks through the years. It becomes difficult again as they are teens & dating and the possibilities hit you in the face but it’s so important to keep those conversations going. Even some of the TV shows that many parents disapprove of can be used as a means to keep the topic of sex common rather than taboo. Now as I’m faced with a daughter who is newly engaged I’m making plans to share some books and a few insights as to how amazing & fulfilling that part of her marriage can be. (even if she doesn’t want to hear it from Mom!)
Sheila,
I love that you are willing to have those conversations with your kids about sex. So many people don’t! And…what a great line of communication you have created over the years. Whether she want’s to hear it or not…your daughter is going to be blessed by having a great mom who cares about her marriage and her intimacy!
I know the book “The Act of Marriage” is a great book for newlyweds but I think Ed and Lisa Young’s new book “Sexperiment” should be good too!
Miss you!
My Mom had the “sex conversation” with me when I was 11. I was way grossed out at the whole concept as puberty was hitting, but I soon forgot it and went on with my week. But due to the way she was open with things, the way she kept me close and explained things so well, we have been able to have a great, very open relationship about everything throughout my life. And now, I am engaged and learning way more about this topic than I knew there was to learn, and sometimes it’s awkward, but my Mom is the first person I go to with my pre-marriage questions about sex. Other than clearly explaining things and being very open, I very much value the way my mom never gives me her “experiences” and the way she explains things in a medical fashion. This makes it an objective discussion and so much more comfortable for me to be able to discuss these things with her.
I love to see how your mom’s openness with you has created a great line of communication!
Excited for you and this next season!
Our daughter was watching I believe, “Little House on the Prairie” when she was about 11, and I thought it would be “safe”. But a man had grabbed the young girl in the story and he was wearing a mask and Allison said, “He put something in her and now she’s going to have a baby.” Around the same time, we had been traveling and Allison saw some blood in a public washroom toilet and was terribly frightened. I guess she was pondering these things, because one evening when I was in the bathtub, she came and asked “where do babies come from?” On the steamed tile I drew a picture of a V-shaped uteris with ovaries at the top. I explained that each month an egg drops down and if it isn’t fertilized, it comes out in the form of what would keep the baby alive (blood), telling her that “the life is in the blood.” If the egg is fertilized, the sperm comes from the father. She asked how the sperm got in there and I told her “from the penis”. She asked, “Do you do that?” I asked, “Do what?” She replied, “I’m not sure.” That seemed to be a lot of information for her to digest and she seemed satisfied. Since that time she had a great fear of masks.
Florence, Only you would have a story like that!
This is great! I got married and not one person had talked to me about sex! I went to a private Christian school so we didn’t have sex Ed and my parents never said a word! It was horribly eye opening and created issues when I first got married! Now it’s my mission to talk to every bride before she gets married just to make sure someone has told her all the things she should know! No one should have to figure things out on their own! I’d much rather an awkward conversation as a child to open conversation from a trusted source than as a grown married woman!!! Good job y’all you have saved her some heartache already!!! But I’m still not looking forward to that conversation with my little ones!
Thanks Liz!
Meghan,
Congrats on your blog and all that you are doing in California!!!
I have been reading your blog and truly enjoy it…and I am not a “blog” person. 
Anyway, like you guys we have ahd an open conversation with our son since he was 4 about “sex”, but we haven’t given the actual details. He know the names of all the parts. He knows the word sex and that is is only for marriage….things of this nature, but not “ok, so this goes here and that goes there”, the mechanics. lol 
So my question is, is this what you guys discusssed? The actual intercourse mechanics? That is the big question at our home, when do we put all the pieces together for him??? Just wanted to ask if this how detailed and factual you guys got. Thanks!!! And tell the fam HI from me! 
P.S. Mark is gonna DIE when he sees/hears that I came on here to ask you this!!!
Olivia,
It was pretty descriptive but in a healthy way. I would highly suggest grabbing the book on Amazon if you are going to have a deep discussion.
Hi…it’s great to hear from you! I think you have done a great job with introducing your son to the basics. We read the book I mentioned in the blog to Brooklyn and it was great! It did go through all the mechanics and what part’s go where!
We simply read the book and then added some of our own commentary and discussions. I think it removed any curiosity about the unknown!
And…hopefully opened the door for future discussions about “things I am not looking forward to!” 
Taking the plunge this next week with our 9yr old. It’s been on out hearts and I see this as confirmation that we need to suck it up and do it. 😁We are hoping and praying for the best. 😳 When did I get “old” enough to be needing to have these convo’s with my child. Pray for us!!! 💜💜💜
Praying for you! You will do great!
I learned about sex at 8 years old. I have a sister who is 2 years older than me, I guess she started asking enough questions and my mom decided to sit us down together. We had “The Talk.” My mom was an R.N. so it was very clinical, with proper terminology. She answered our questions, told us we should wait until we are married to have it, and said we could always come to her if we needed anything like birth control or condoms. She left the lines of communication open for us.
Eventhough she didn’t necessarily drive home God’s plan for sex, something about that initial conversation stuck with me as I haven’t slept with anyone except my husband. In fact my doctor recently asked how many sexual partners I have had and when I answered one, she paused, looked up from her paperwork, and said good for you!
As an eventual parent, I hope to tell my kids about sex in the same way my mom descrined it, but I also plan on telling my kids about God’s plan for sex.
That’s awesome Jen! Thanks for sharing!